Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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