EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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