youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
