i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
