I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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