Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
