just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize