so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
