I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
