Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
