she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
