I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize