Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
