Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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