my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The beer is more important than you right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
