Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
