Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
