If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
