i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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