this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
