sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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