I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
