At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
