I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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