"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
