ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
