sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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