So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
