I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
