summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
