I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize