So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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