seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
