Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my being single is dangerous.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
