1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
