i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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