yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
