Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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