he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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