I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
