I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
