I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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