After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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