It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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