you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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