Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
