totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
