You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
