at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
