porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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