Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
