i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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