How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
