y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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