he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
