Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dignity is for republicans.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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