Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
