Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i was in the wii world.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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