They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
