i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize